Where are we?
An unspoilt Mediterranean island – I think Formentera on this occasion.
How did you get here?
On a ferry which collected us from Cala D’Hort in Ibiza, populated by a motley crew of hippies, artists, fashion models, clubbers and my closest friends, all having a party. Our hostesses are serving freshly caught fish ceviche and mojitos, with Basement Jaxx DJing from the crow’s nest.
Who are you sharing your room with?
My wife Jules.
Is there anything you would like waiting for you in your room on arrival?
My son Alfie.
Who’s at the concierge desk?
Anyone who can arrange a trustworthy and reliable babysitter before we go out for dinner!
And the owner / manager?
As I can’t choose between the many hoteliers I know and admire, I’ll go for Robert De Niro. Hopefully he knows what he’s doing since opening The Greenwich in New York.
Describe the hotel building, your room and the view...
The main hotel is built into the cliffs beneath the Far de La Mola lighthouse, where Bob Dylan lived in the Sixties, and which inspired the Jules Verne novel ‘The Lighthouse at the End of the World'.
It is a completely sustainable, eco-friendly design made from local stone, combining traditional architectural techniques with the latest engineering, so that it wraps around, and is built into the cliff, powered by the sun and the sea.
Who designed it?
The interiors are a collaboration by Jonathan Ive, Peter Saville and Ed Tuttle, in a building designed by Make Architects, engineered by Arup.
Describe your room…
Our ‘room’ is a multi-storey suite within the lighthouse, connected to the main hotel by an underground tunnel. From the outside it looks ramshackle and weather beaten. Inside is decorated in eclectic style, like an artist’s studio, with art and sculpture from around the world, contemporary furnishings by Ligne Roset, and bespoke fabric designs in vivid colours by Peter Saville. All the technological gadgets are Jonathan Ive prototypes hidden with the walls and furniture.
On the ground floor, there’s a playroom full of Ligne Roset Togo sofas and toys for Alfie. The middle floors include a soundproofed private cinema / library where I can sit in a Pumpkin chair to watch movies or read in a Torun recliner. The lounge above is furnished with Confluences seating for socializing with friends, and a small kitchen / cocktail bar so we can serve ourselves.
At the top of the lighthouse there’s an enormous customized, circular version of the Nador bed surrounded by 360° windows which slide up to create a canopied rooftop terrace. At the press of a button, the bed can flip, James Bond style, to reveal another custom-made piece – this time a low, circular Aluceram dining table for our guests, surrounded 360° by Togo sofas.
What’s the restaurant / bar like?
A series of outdoor terraces connected to cave-like spaces within the cliffs, with romantic nooks and crannies for couples, larger grottos for groups.
Who are you dining with this evening?
Eric Cantona, Bill Hicks, Irvine Welsh, Ian Curtis, Stephen Fry, Hunter S Thompson, George Best, Albert Camus, Anthony Bourdain…we’ll have a ball.
Who’s manning the stoves?
Sam and Sam Clarke of Moro
And what’s on the menu?
Starter: Hand-carved Jamon (‘Joselito Gran Reserva’)
Main: If I was on Death Row or a desert island I’d be having rib-eye of Kobe beef with duck-fat fries but as we’re on Spanish soil, a simple paella of the freshest seafood, with Poilane bread and aioli.
Dessert: Valrhona chocolate mousse, then a selection of French farmhouse cheeses, followed by double espresso macchiato and marc de champagne.
Would you like something to drink with that?
We’ll definitely have some Marques de Riscal Frank Gehry Selection Rioja Reserva 2001. Our sommelier, Sir Alex Ferguson, can choose the rest. He’ll be busy, as my guests do drink a lot.
What CDs would like in your room?
No CDs, just a BOSE Wave station and my iPod Touch loaded with all my favourite music and photos of my family.
What’s on the flatscreen?
• ‘The Wire’ Box Set Seasons 1-5
• ‘The Sopranos’ Box Set Seasons 1-6
• Manchester Utd vs Bayern Munich Champions League final 1999
• ‘The Conversation’ – Francis Ford Coppola
• ‘Lost In Translation’ – Sofia Coppola
• ‘La Haine’ – Mathieu Kassovitz
And a book at bedtime?
‘Morvern Callar’ by Alan Warner
What’s in the mini-bar for a night cap?
B&B – brandy & benedictine
Would you like a newspaper or magazine in the morning?
The Guardian, The Observer if it’s a Sunday
What toiletries would you like to freshen up with?
After last night’s dinner, a Bloody Mary will do.
Early morning alarm call or late check out?
No alarm call necessary as Alfie is with us.
Bath, jacuzzi or power shower?
Power shower
Full English, continental or something different (please specify)?
Fresh fruit and yoghurt, Blueberry pancakes with maple syrup and crispy bacon, and more espresso macchiato / Bloody Mary.
Swimming pool, spa or gym?
A dip in the ocean.